Remember This by S.T. Underdahl

Author:S.T. Underdahl
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: teen, fiction, flux, young, youth, adult, alzheimer's, dementia
Publisher: North Star Editions
Published: 2011-08-29T00:00:00+00:00

twenty

Now I was both frustrated with myself and furious that Sukie had been unwilling to try and understand, or at least hear me out. And if I’d caught the meaning of her last remark, she was drawing a strong distinction between her “friends” and my standing. Part of my brain was outraged that Sukie would throw away our friendship so easily (and literally), while the other part acknowledged a niggling feeling of guilt that I’d been partly responsible for getting us to this point by not being honest with her. You made your bed, and now you’ve actually landed in it.

I extricated myself gingerly from the Hollisters’ landscaping, not looking back at the house where Sukie was. Remounting Michael’s bike, I felt hot and itchy, like I’d just wrestled a porcupine; whatever variety the Hollisters’ shrubbery was, I hoped I wasn’t allergic to it. Or maybe I deserved to be allergic to it. I didn’t know anymore.

As I pedaled numbly home, I replayed the conversation with Sukie over and over again, trying to see where I could have said something that might have made a difference in the outcome. In the end, I couldn’t think of any other way to approach things except head-on, as I had. Sukie was stubborn, that much I knew, and I’d seen how long she could hold a grudge. With a sigh, I pictured Sukie telling her cheerleader friends that I would henceforth be referred to only as “She Who Shall Not Be Named.”

I didn’t feel like going home yet, so I rode Michael’s bike down Snob Hill and through the older area of town where Mom grew up, letting the wind chase the final cobwebs out of my head. I tried to picture a younger, smaller version of Mom, walking along the sidewalk as a little girl on her way to school at Williston Elementary. I wondered whether she hoped someday she’d have a house on Chess Drive with her husband and four kids. And her mother-in-law, I added. And Alzheimer’s disease.

By early afternoon, I realized my legs were getting tired of pedaling, so I rode back to my neighborhood and stopped in Spring Lake Park. I lay on my back in the soft grass, watching the clouds drift overhead. It was something Sukie and I had done together many times, and it felt lonely to do it by myself. “Oh look, that one looks just like a cow,” I said experimentally, then looked around quickly to see if anyone had heard me. Two boys who looked to be around eight were playing catch with a football and not paying any attention to me at all. A young mother was watching her toddler playing in the sandbox, but was too far away to hear me. I sighed, feeling more alone than I’d ever felt in my life.

My rumbling stomach finally reminded me I hadn’t had anything to eat yet, so I got back on my bicycle and rode the rest of the way home. As I approached, I was surprised to see our Suburban already parked in the driveway.

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